1. An enquiring mind. It’s really important to know what’s going on in the world, starting with the 19 TIMES BEYONCÉ FLAWLESSLY SUMMED UP YOUR FAST FOOD EXPERIENCE
2. Cultural solidarity. This stuff is part of the culture now. I want to embrace modern culture. I don’t put myself above it. So, yeah, bring it on! Let’s all celebrate THINGS CATS DO THAT WOULD BE CREEPY IF YOU DID THEM.
3. Self-righteousness. Yes, this stuff is tacky and horrible, but it’s important I find out just how tacky and horrible it is so that I can judge my superiority to people who look at it without knowing any better. So, now let’s see about those TOP TEN WEIRDEST CELEBRITY DEATHS.
4. Human frailty. I’m weak. I can’t resist. I especially can’t resist 10 WOMEN YOU WON’T BELIEVE EXIST.
5. Deception. I was tricked into it. I didn’t know it was clickbait when I clicked on it. I thought it was serious article about why COFFEE DRINKERS LIVE LONGER.
6. Scepticism. I mean, no, that can’t really be true, can it? There really are 20 FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ANIMALS? I mean ‘exactly’? ‘Exactly’ is a very strong word. I’d better check it out.
7. Incredulity. I literally, yes literally, can’t believe how banal some of this stuff is. It has to be seen to be believed. Take THE 12 MOST INSANE DISNEY CHANNEL MOVIE PLOTLINES for example.
8. Accident. My mouse finger slipped. You don’t think I would deliberately look at 15 ARTISTS WHO GOT NAKED FOR MUSIC VIDEOS do you?
9. Nostalgia. How else do you explain the appeal of 90s HEARTTHROBS YOU FORGOT YOU CRUSHED ON? (Is ‘crushed on’ an actual phrase?)
10. Procrastination. Weirdly this is also the number 1 reason for writing an article about the TOP TEN REASONS FOR CLICKING ON CLICKBAIT. Which, I know, is clickbait itself. The irony hasn’t escaped me.